Why I won't end up marrying a kiwi guy!!

Why I won’t end up marrying a kiwi guy:

• They are all short (and I’m not that tall!!)
• They have a totally warped and so not funny sense of humour
• They do not understand sarcasm in the slightest!
• They have completely annoying voices!!
• They think they are shit hot when clearly they are not!
• They think they are the world’s best lovers – and clearly don’t realize when you’re totally faking it!!
• They have no concept of what romance is.
• They are totally incapable of expressing their feelings or thoughts on anything let alone you!
• They are completely immature and high maintenance!
• They are cheating wankers – who either have wives, fiancées, girlfriends or 100 kids at home!!
• They have no grasp of the English language – either appalling spellers or write in text speak all the time – or both!!
• They try and come onto your best friend by email on an internet dating site and then act surprised when she tells me and is confronted about being a total shit!!

OK so in fairness there may be some guys who are none of the above - But I haven’t found them yet!! Every single guy that I have been out with since getting here has been one or several of the above!! Man I miss the Brits/Yanks/Canadians!!



So if anyone knows of or has any suggestions on places to find decent guys in Christchurch – answers on a postcard please!!! lol

Observations on life and questions about it

So I'm standing in the queue in subway (the sandwich shop) yesterday waiting to get lunch. I am one of the 2 girls in there and the other 15 people are all guys - I'm casually looking around when I realise that I am the tallest person in the shop by about a foot!! Granted I had heels on but they weren't that high!! So the rumour that all kiwi guys are 6 foot 6 inch rugby giants, built like brick shit houses is in fact a myth!! - well the ones that are like that are currently on their way to France to play in the world cup!!! lol - How has NZ become a nation of short people???

By walking to work everyday for a week, you really can get your now reduced slightly in size arse into the trousers that you bought last week, that didn't fit, but were cheap and cute!!

Is one of my thighs bigger than the other - or have the new trousers been made with uneven legs???

Why do you get such a bad headache from wine???

Why in the hell would anyone consume SHEEP DIP as a way of getting high???!!! Seriously WTF!!! How in the fuck were party pills allowed to be legal for so long!?????!!

So have come up with an ingenious new money making, thought provoking, mind stimulating idea that will keep me amused for the next few months at least - but why can I not find my camera charger which is the most important thing I need????!!!

Why is it when you've been waiting to sort out a proper job, you get offered one, that you then decide you don't like???

Do you think that you get more than one chance at love at first sight - or once it's happened it'll never happen again??? And why is mine getting married soon??? (And not to me I might add!!)

Why is the weather always gorgeous outside when you're lying in bed with a hangover??? And you know it's gonna be crap tomorrow!! Murphy's law!!

People in Christchurch have got to be the most unfriendly in the world!! You head out for a night into town, and god forbid that you actually start a conversation with anyone!! So last night I'm at this club called Base and this guy walks up to me and starts chatting. He seems pleasant enough and not off his face on E so I chat back. He then asks if I went to this school here and I say no - at which point he abruptly stops talking and walks away!! It's like some sort of twatty exclusive club - what school did you go to, who do you know - if you can't answer either then you have no hope in hell of ever infiltrating the chch scene at all!! Hence why I have been hanging out with the foreigners or out of towners!! I think they are experiencing the same thing!! Still must infiltrate more before birthday - otherwise will be truly shite and may leading to suicidal tendencies!!

How does anyone think it's ok to turn up to a friends work party, eat the free food and drink, and then piss off cos they've had a better offer (and leave the person there to answer awkward questions on the friends disappearance!!), and think that it's ok!! And then wonder why the person is fucked off with them!!! And it's not cos the person is annoyed that they went on a date, but because what they did was fucking rude, and if anyone else had done it they would be pissed off too!!! Oh and then not to apologise either!!! Meh - people need to learn manners in this country!!

Why, when you're trying to avoid someone, do they pop up everywhere in town???? I think, ladies and gentlemen, I may have got myself a stalker!! (And why did I ever give him my cell phone number??? Mel- please send me that phone ASAP as need to get a new number!!!)

Why do guys think it's ok to ask you out on a date, and then text you to tell you about the one that they are currently on - with someone else!!! Or maybe it should be - why are army guys such dickheads!!!????

Why do the stamps from nightclubs never come off your arm, even after having a shower, and then you discover you had your cheek/forehead resting on it during the night and now the stamp has been imprinted on there too!!! Grrrrr

Why is there never any food in the house when you have a hangover and need it desperately!! Please universe send someone over to take me shopping or to Maccy D's!!!

Where, when, why & how???

So peeps - it's been a while since I wrote anything on here!!
I finally managed to escape Korea - (Although was about to go back the other day!!).
Went off to the Philippines to go scuba diving which was awesome and then to NZ. Discovered that being 20kgs lighter (About 3 and a half stone), I am once again able to shop in normal stores!! yeah - and can even go into those boutiquie places where they only go up to a certain size!! gotta love the korean diet pills!!
So anyway, got to NZ just before Mum's 3rd wedding!! Was a cool day - at the Lansdowne Homestead (beautiful location in christchurch) and now have an older step-brother and step-sister!! Most amusing!!
Then went to visit Mark (dad 2) and caroline (mum 3) in Masterton. They have bought a new house outside of Masterton. It's in a valley and when driving there you'll see the most amazing views and by far the best sights in New Zealand!!
I flew back to Chch for xmas with mum and Si, and the new family, and grandma and grandad, my oldest cousin and her boyfriend!! Slightly hectic to say the least!!
Flew out to Sydney in the early hours of boxing day to go to Amy's wedding. Had a general piss up for a few days before, and then the ceremony itself was held on Balmoral beach followed by the reception on board a boat travelling around Sydney Harbour. It has to be said that it was the most amazing wedding i have ever been to!! The views were out of this world and lots of merriment and alcohol was had by all (including Amy's mum who almost went overboard at the end in her rush to get the pub crawl started!! you gotta love that woman!!!)
Had an interesting time in Sydney - fell in love with the place and wanna live there. Did lots of sightseeing, met some randoms and not so randoms along the way, drank way too much, didn't sleep enough - so all in all was a great trip!!
Got back to NZ on NYE to Masterton and promptly passed out on the sofa just before midnight - this is what happens when you have no sleep and your getting older - can't handle the pace!! lol
After NYE, I got the ferry down to the Marlborough Sounds where I spent the best part of a month down there!! We were out on the boat or jet ski's everyday either fishing, scalloping, general hooning around and getting an amazing suntan!!
The reality hit and back to christchurch on the job hunt!! Did a month temp contract for environment canterbury - door knocking doing market research!! So not keen on it at first but actually turned out to one of the coolest jobs ever!! Out all day in the nice weather, chatting to people (one of my favourite things in case you didn't already know!! lol), and worked with some cool peeps too!!
Now I am doing general reception work etc etc as being incredibly picky with a full time job!!
I am moving house this weekend on saturday!! Moving in with a cool chick that drives the black thunders around for the local radio station zm.
Also working at Jade Stadium this weekend for the Crusaders rugby game (although seriously considering bunking off as A: won tickets to the game tonight and B: It's St Paddy's day and I wanna get drunk!!! lol)
Things are looking up though - was a bit rough for a while - no job, no friends, no money and living at home with the parents for the first time in 10 years - but now things working out quite sweet indeed (Already saying sweet and eh like a full blown kiwi!! damn!!)
So yeah returning back to the homeland ain't so bad at all. I even met a rather cute member of the opposite sex last weekend too - had a very amusing night out after that invloving lots of alcohol etc etc - needless to say I didn't get home until the next morning!!! (But i was a good girl for a change honest!! lol) - will keep you up to date on that development though!! lol
So all in all things are going well. Starting to really enjoy life here.
Any peeps I know from Korea, UK well anywhere really as long as I know you - feel free to come and visit anytime you like!! The more the merrier and I can show you around my new town!! lol

Tagged - 10 things about me!!

Once you have been tagged you must tell us 10 weird/odd/mundane/disconcerting facts about yourself. 

1. I have a huge phobia of snakes and have it because of my stepdad. 

2. I always wanted to be a war correspondant or a photo journalist.

3. One day I wanna do the gumball rally in an all girl team - AND WIN!!!!

4. I'm a hopeless romantic - like sweeping off feet and all that jazz - flowers, candlelit dinners, romantic walks etc etc - but clearly never show anyone that side!! lol 

5. My favourite thing to have for breakfast is marmalade and cheese on toast

6. I never make the first move with boys - you'll know I like you but I'll never be the first one to do anything!!

7. I wanna join the mile-high club!! hehe  (2 failed attempts so far!! Damn you air hostesses!!) 

8. My favourite flower is Jasmine - love drinking the tea too!!

9. I always thought I was the lost Russian princess Anastasia when I was younger - my great-grandma used to tell me the story and I thought it was me (OK so I was 4 and clearly couldn't work out the impossible time line!!)

10. Apparently I am psychic and a white witch!! Got told by a witch at a country fair in Cornwall once!!

Update No 1

So have finally finished in Korea - done, dusted and left the country!! The last 2 months were amazing though so was quite sad to leave - made some great friends up in Bucheon and Seoul and loved the jobs I was doing as well so many a tear was said on Saturday when it came time to say goodbye!!  

 

(Jessica - my bessie mate in Korea, love you lots and miss you loads - boracay's not the same without you at all. / Sara - know I only just met you 3 weeks ago but miss you all the same, buddy bar quiz nights were tres amusing and will be remembered. / Nicole - cheers for driving me to the airport and good luck with the beast!! Miss ya hon / Jenie - thanks for everything you've done to help me out and sorry for getting dumped on you. Miss ya loads though and KFF me still!! lol)

 

So anyway off I went back into the great wide yonder. After dealing with the excuse baggage saga at the airport and crying on them to give me a discount (Nicole - more dramas after you left!!), I finally managed to get on the plane and head out to Manila.

 

Arrived there at about midnight and was faced with the heat!! Makes a change from sitting in the snow making kimchi with the kids at school a day before!! Definitely no need for hats. gloves, scarves, sheepskin boots, coats etc!! Was picked up from the airport by the hotel owner and taken to the Townhouse.

 

Now as the name would suggest, you'd think it would be a nice townhouse in the city. A place to chill out and relax!! Uhhhhhhh NO!! It was quite a scummy place to be!! And filled full of very strange ex-pats who talked basically gibberish at me for hours as i couldn't excape!!! Anyway managed to finally get to bed and get a decent nights sleep!!

 

Got up in the morning and headed straight for the Glorietta Shopping Mall to pay a visit to good old Marks and Spencers - man did I need to pay a visit there!! Korean washing machines + underwear = saggy arse pants and broken bras!! So spent a near fortune stocking up on underwear and then headed to the airport to catch my flight to Caticlan (Boracay).

 

Almost missed the flights due to M&S shopping but luckily the lady was kind and managed to fit me on the last flight. Then spent most amusing time in the airport counting the korean couple wear t-shirts!! OH MY GOD - you have never seen so many in your life - on my flights alone there were 20 sets, and the flights only held 50 people!!!

 

For those of you that haven't been to Korea - couple wear is when a boyfriend and girlfriend wear the same t-shirts to show they are TOGETHER!!! Like as in identical t-shirts - it is a most amusing concept that us foreigner have a giggle at. 

 

So on the plane to Caticlan - it is a very small plane - and just after take-off the plane fills with smoke!! Now having been on this flight before I knew everything was A-OK but was amused to see the many koreans getting alarmed that the cabin was filling rapidly with smoke. Now to explain - it is the air con system - and it's actually steam - it's cos when the cold air from the air con hits the warm/hot air in the cabin it creates smoke!! Was quite alarmed the first time I went on the flight but now am a seasoned veteran of the caticlan flight so all cool!! See pic attached though to see what said smoke looks like!! 

 

So arrive in Boracay just as the sun is setting - see pics attached!! Staying in a place called Casa Camilla (owned by the townhouse people) but unlike townhouse it's actually really nice - it's basic but I have air con, hot shower and it's clean. It's at the end of white beach near boat station 3 and Red Pirates so a bit of a walk to the main entertainment but means that I have the entire stretch of beach to myself during the day to sunbath - no touts, koreans or screaming kids this end of the beach - so in bliss!! 

 

Doing my advanced diving course tomorrow for 2 days so looking forward to that. Should be great as going wreck diving tomorrow!! YEAHHHH

 

So all in all a good time so far - have only been here a day but already not wanting to leave!!

 

I do however, have to leave on Saturday 9th December - I fly from Manila to Melbourne and then melbourne to Christchurch. I will be staying in Christchurch for the week until Mum's wedding on the 17th and then flying to Mark and Caroline's in Masterton. I stay there until christmas ever and then back to christchurch for xmas with mum and my grandparents, and then boxing day to sydney for Amy's wedding. Stay in sydney until New year's eve when I fly back to Masterton. Then after that who knows!!

 

One of the guys here is talkign to his korean friend about me coming to the Philippines to teach, I have options in Kuwait and Nigeria, or just stay in New Zealand and chill out for a while!! No idea - you know what I am like - one minute here, one minute there!!

 

But all in all generally thins are good. Life is treating me well and I'm all happy. Oh and 20kgs (3 stone) lighter!! Found the great invention called Korean diet pills!! Have lost 20 kgs in the last 2 months in Korea!! Excellent smithers as one would say!! Only bugger is that none of my clothes fit me anymore - thank god the girl before me in Bucheon dumped all hers on me or would have nothing to wear!! (yeah thought I was losing weight in Korea but it was actually the washing machines stretching everything!!)

 

So things I have notced since being 20kgs lighter: 

 

1. Airplane seats really aren't that uncomfortable - it's just I had a big butt and have to squeeze myself into it!! Now actually have room on either side of the seat!! Quite a novelty!!

 

2. Airplane seats belts don't cut off your circulation!! Again the big butt thing - and now even have to tighten it!! Bonus!!

 

3.You get REALLY cold sometimes - especially in Korea - no layer of fat to keep you warm!! Brrrrrr

 

4. You don't sweat as much in the heat!! Excellent - now don't look like I've just run a marathon after walking slowly down the beach!!

 

5.You go down 4 dress sizes!! Excellent - now can shop in normal people's clothes shops and not the "Your fat and can only buy clothes here" shops!!

 

6. Even my shoes feel less tight than before!!

 

7. My backpack doesn't smack me in the head ever 2 seconds cos it's bouncing off my huge butt!! Easy travelling back again!!

 

8. You automatically get put in the emergency seats on airplanes without having to ask and them giving you the look of "you really think you can rush about in an emergency and help people"!!

 

9. Your boobs look bigger cos there's not that role of flab underneath them making them look like small fried eggs!! (I do suspect however that my boobs are decreasing in size due to weight loss!! ah crap!!)

 

Don't get me wrong people - I am no where near Kate Moss yet (And unlikely ever to be - that girl needs to eat!! Oh she also needs to stop taking cocaine!! lol) I still have another probably 20kgs to lose - which I suspect is gonna be a lot harder!! But hey have a 3 month stash of diet pills and decent gyms/swimming pools in NZ to go to so all should be fine - just gonna have to stay away from the pasteries!! Mmmmmmmm chocolate eclairs!! Damn, damn - salad, salad!! lol and grandma's peroshki's (although have been craving them so allowed to eat in the first week at home!! Grandma - please don't cut me off!! lol)

 

So generally all in all everything is cool for school and A-OK!! Having a fantastic time in Boracay and wish I could stay forever - seriously - when you come here you will understand - peopke should not be allowed to visit this island if they have to leave again!! It's like paradise!! Nothing I've ever seen before and could quite happily live here forever!! 

Why oh why???

The countdown is now at 4 days!! I technically should be jumping for joy that I am finally out of this god forsaken country that I have been whinging about since about a month after I arrived!! But..........


Realised the other day that for the first time since being here I am actually really happy. Not only have I met some great people to hang out with in Bucheon and Seoul but I also am loving my job and have scored a really, really cool private with a TV station!!


The new girl came in yesterday and today to shadow me and all I could think was I don't wanna go!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh - WTF!!! I love the kids - they are so damn cute and they all almost started crying yesterday when they were told that I am leaving on Thursday!! Have put the feelers out though and said that I might be back in a few months (the new girl is now on a 3 month probabtion period!! lol) - it's like the coolest job in the world ever though - get to sing, dance and muck about all day with the kids which is soo much fun. (Maybe I could steal one and take them home with me!! lol)


Of course knowing me - I'll leave on Saturday, hit the beaches of Boracay and forget all about ever coming back to work in Korea!! But hey at the moment feeling a bit crap - hate packing too!! Definitely not going to miss this freezing cold weather though!! Mmmmm 31 degrees C here I come!!

On the final stretch!!

So I have less than 2 weeks before I quit Korea and head off into the great big, wide unknown again!!


Have spent 15 months in Korea now and have definitely had enough - well that's what I say now!! Life in Bucheon has been great though - like the place sooo much more than Ulsan. You don't get hassled by weird Korean men, you don't get your boobs grabbed by ajumma's on a daily basis, you don't get asked if your a russian whore all the time, you don't get asked by taxi drivers to have sex with them rather than pay the fair - all 2,000 won worth (US$2!!). General people in Bucheon are a hell of a lot more friendlier and helpful then any of the random Korean's I met in Ulsan!!


On the down side all my friends are in Ulsan - well those that haven't left already to head home or onto pastures new!! Bucheon has been - well boring!! lol - for a while I thought I was the only waygook here but discovered the foreigner bar the other day and about 100 waygooks drinking inside it!! Had a great night and made some friends who I have been hanging out with since!!


Still 2 weeks cannot come quick enough!! Think it has more to do with heading to Boracay again when I leave to dive for a week. Really looking forward to doing that. Hopefully my ears don't get fucked up again!! Have an overflowing supply of ear drops so fingers crossed!!


Heading to New Zealand after Boracay for Mum's 3rd wedding, my mate Amy's 1st Wedding in Sydney and Xmas with the family. Should be a good time but still a bit edgy about the whole thing. Not the best of times when around my family - usually many arguments, stress etc etc - so prefer to stay well clear!! lol - however, haven't spent Xmas with my grandparents for like 20 years so looking forward to that but will have to see how it goes!!


No idea what the plans are after that!! Have possibilities in Kuwait, Nigeria, New Zealand etc etc so will have to wait and see what takes my fancy!


To all those in Korea though - it was great meeting you and I will miss you all!! Stay in touch and no doubt we'll meet again somewhere in this not so small world!!