Chicago Schmago

I went to see the musical Chicago at the theatre royal in Christchurch last night. All I can say is thank god I didn't pay for the ticket!

I would have done a runner at half time had I not been sat in front of my boss and next to the lady that organised it for us all!

I managed to keep myself amused with my colleagues binoculars - yes we were in the gods so you could discover many interesting things through the lens of the binoculars!!

So here are a few binocular observations:

On close inspection Velma was played by a lady who was let's say, not a spring chicken!! Her dancing was stilted - I was unsure whether it was the onset of arthritis or whether she was just a crap dancer!! Said woman also was either wearing dentures or had had her teeth fixed not so long ago!! You could hear the lisp thing when she sang!

Roxy - although a young and fairly good singer/dancer was almost as annoying as Renee Zellweger in the film version. Although she did get better towards the end of the musical. (And didn't look like the pasty white, anorexic box that Renee did in the film!!)

Amos (Roxy's husband) was in fact almost old enough to be her father!! He was an excellent actor though and I think was possibly the best out of all of them - great comedy timing. However I was still a little disturbed about the thought of them being husband and wife!

Billy Flynn (Roxy & Velma's attorney) was way too nicey nice!! He didn't have a hard enough edge to him to be taken seriously. More dapper friendly neighbour next door than dapper hard nosed attorney at law!!

Mary Sunshine was fantastic (the news reporter) - was actually a guy though (this is the point when the binoculars first came out cos I was trying to see if it was a guy or not!!) The operatic singing was good though and his comedy timing was fab!! Most amusing character!!

The guy that played Fred Casely was hot!! He was also a dancer for the rest of the production and was generally looking at him when whatever else was happening was invariably boring me - although the binoculars weren't out in time for the first scene when he got his butt out!! However, in one of the final scenes he did come out in a one piece leotard so he instantly lost his sex appeal - and although in the final scene was in a suit - I couldn't forget the image of the all in one white and red stripped leotard!!

So I don't know the names of the actual actors because I was not about to shell out $20 on a programme to find out!!

Dating Disasters 101

So, I've been out on a few dates recently. However, last night topped the pole by far for the worst/most surreal/strangest ever first date in history!!!



Firstly, a cyclone has hit Christchurch - so outside it's rain, wind - not exactly great weather for looking particularly great - think fluffy hair that's blowing everywhere!! lol

So we get to the restaurant - all seems to be going ok so far - food is good - conversation a bit stilted but put that down to nerves/embarrassment etc. Have already joked on the phone about our secret get out of date excuses -calling the girls from the toilet to do an "emergency come quickly" SOS call and the like.



He goes off to the toilet at one point and is gone for longer than normal, so start to think may have been ditched before the main course has even been started!! But he does return, and food eating commences.



In the grand scheme of things, if the date finished here then it wouldn't have been a bad one at all. However, it doesn't and so begins the randomness.



We go up to the counter to get the bill - upon when he "discovers" that he has left his wallet at home!!! Slight panic ensues as I am fricking broke at the moment due to not getting paid for the whole of the xmas holidays, so am pretty sure that my accout has zilch in it (we had already established that he was taking me out for the meal - and yes I do usually split the bill or offer to pay my share, but in this case I thought why not - believe me, will not be making that mistake again!!). So as I hand over my card and then stand cringing whilst I wait to see if it has been accepted - at the same time in my head opting to wash, rather than dry the dishes that invariably we will be doing in about 5 minutes time in the restaurant kitchens!! (Actually I would have been walking out the door shouting adios sucker over my shoulder I suspect!!)



By the grace of God, and the miracle of kiwi banking ineptness, my card was accepted and the meal paid for!! (Although now I am somewhat concerned about the horrendous charges that ASB Bank will be whooping on my arse for going into overdraft!!)



I am assured by said date though that we will go and collect his wallet and he will pay me back. I kinda felt like I should have said “No, that’s fine” at this point, but I am still adding up bank charges in my head!!!



So we head back to his house. I sit and wait in the car while he goes inside to collect it. As he walks back to the car, another car pulls over on the opposite side of the road, and beeps. He’s already half in the car at this point, when I hear “Shit it’s my ex-girlfriend”. And so the saga continues.



There is some discussion in the driveway (which I can’t hear – and A: I can’t wind down the window as they are electric and he has the keys, and B: I figure sticking my head out of the window may be slightly too much and also may insight some sort of violence from scary looking ex!!) They then head back into the house!!



So here I am, sat in this guys car, whilst him and his ex-girlfriend are inside his house doing or saying god knows what.



So what do I do??



Well get the fuck out of there would have probably been the sensible thing - and quickly!!! However, there is still the small issue that he owes me money, and I am wearing heels – which as strangely comfy as they are these days to wear, I don’t think I would quite make it the mile or two down the road to my house!!



So I sit and wait!! He returns, the ex is trying to slyly look out the corner of her eye to see who is in the car (I’m now slouching in the seat in an attempt to avoid some sort of retribution), she leaves, he returns to the car, and we head off to find a cash point.

God knows why but I suggest that we head to a bar for a drink (Maybe the need for wine is significantly increased in moments of surreal insanity!!). So we head off to this local pub. I discover that the pool table is free of charge that night and suggest we play a game. OK so a lot of people will know that I am utterly shite at pool until I have had a few drinks. So not playing the greatest game of pool, but not helped by the fact that said date is now whooping my arse at it, and quite enjoying doing so!!



You might think that considering the events leading up to this stage he might give me some sort of chance but no!! Oh and then as I’m looking unimpressed at the end, due to severe beating, he then goes to try and pot the black and the white at the same time – like I should be grateful he was trying to lose on purpose!!



I eventually make it home safe and sound, if not a tad freaked out by the evenings events!!



So what do we gain from this incident??

• Never date a guy who has only just broken up from a 3 year relationship 3 weeks ago and still has pictures of her all over his facebook!! (Actually note to self to delete my ex from photos on my page which forgot were there!!)
• If someone offers to pay for dinner, walk out the door to wait, that way if they don’t reappear within 5 minutes, assume they are washing dishes and leave (well could be an issue it’s a Brad Pitt lookalike who you are having an amazing time with!!)
• Keep a pair of comfy shoes in bag- just in case the need to make a quick getaway arises!!
• Learn to be a pool shark when sober or drunk!!

So this date to be added to the Denny’s Disaster (think Little Chef for those of you in the UK but 10 times worse!!), the hungover dribbling unresponsive date who was aawaiting DNA tests to find out if he was the child of a one night stand, the “let’s get married” freaky midget first date, the one who had me cleaning out his fridge and freezer after 5 mins of meeting him - and this was after he'd already taken a glass of wine off me cos I had just eaten a mint, the one who was married "but separated" who I then saw a while later on a family holiday with the wife and kids to name but a few!!!



Oh the joys of dating in New Zealand!! Let’s see what tomorrow night brings eh!!!

The perils of wearing PJ's

So I am under no illusion, that I am becoming a dumb blonde!!! Or at least a severely accident prone one!!

As per usual, I overslept this morning (what is it about winter that makes it completely impossible to get up on time??!!). Anyway, in my rush to get out of bed and turn on the light, I somehow manage to get my right leg totally caught up in my left PJ leg!! There is a momentary split second of mad hopping around the room, before I go arse over tit and fall over, putting my left hand out to catch myself!!

All of a sudden, I'm seeing stars and a few choice words are being ushered from my mouth, as I get a shooting pain in my hand!! I manage to extract my leg and myself from the floor, and hobble into the bathroom.

After a shower, my wrist is still fricking aching, so I get my housemate to tie a bandage around it (it was actually more for the fact that I am at this point very late for work, again, and think rolling up with a banadged wrist, might at least get me some sympathy, rather than a bollocking for being late!).

So off I head to work, arriving 30 mins late, but getting the sympathy vote!! lol

During the course of the day however, my wrist and more than that, my elbow and arm, start really throbbing. Copious amounts of panadol do nothing to alleviate this, and so I decide at the end of the day to get a lift to A&E. After being checked in by the male nurse, who clearly thinks I am a hypocondriac, and then sitting there for a few hours, and a few hundred x-rays later, I am ushered in to see the doc.

Adonis doesn't do him justice!! He was totally fricking hot, and there am I clearly imagining having my wicked way with him, rather than listening to my diagnosis.

It therefore goes completely over my head when he tells me that I not only have badly sprained my wrist - and my big toe!! - but that I have also fractured my elbow!!! I am brought back from my rather graphic daydream, when I realise that he's waiting for some kind of response from me!! I then look slightly foolish when he has to run over the main details again, and my reaction is "WTF!!! - I've broken something?" and he looks slightly bemused by it all!

OK so if you saw this guy you'd understand completely!! lol

So anyway the upshot of it all is that I now have my left arm in a sling, am not allowed to snowboard for 6 weeks (i.e. the end of the snow season!!), am signed off from work for the next few weeks (although cos I am a temp it means I don't get paid!!), am majorly panicking on how I'm going to mange to cook my Grandma's birthday dinner for 9 people this sunday, as well as wondering what else I can break that won't hurt that much so I can go chat up the hot doc again!!! lol

And yes I am a fully fledged twat for tripping over my PJ's!!!

Why I won't end up marrying a kiwi guy!!

Why I won’t end up marrying a kiwi guy:

• They are all short (and I’m not that tall!!)
• They have a totally warped and so not funny sense of humour
• They do not understand sarcasm in the slightest!
• They have completely annoying voices!!
• They think they are shit hot when clearly they are not!
• They think they are the world’s best lovers – and clearly don’t realize when you’re totally faking it!!
• They have no concept of what romance is.
• They are totally incapable of expressing their feelings or thoughts on anything let alone you!
• They are completely immature and high maintenance!
• They are cheating wankers – who either have wives, fiancées, girlfriends or 100 kids at home!!
• They have no grasp of the English language – either appalling spellers or write in text speak all the time – or both!!
• They try and come onto your best friend by email on an internet dating site and then act surprised when she tells me and is confronted about being a total shit!!

OK so in fairness there may be some guys who are none of the above - But I haven’t found them yet!! Every single guy that I have been out with since getting here has been one or several of the above!! Man I miss the Brits/Yanks/Canadians!!



So if anyone knows of or has any suggestions on places to find decent guys in Christchurch – answers on a postcard please!!! lol

Observations on life and questions about it

So I'm standing in the queue in subway (the sandwich shop) yesterday waiting to get lunch. I am one of the 2 girls in there and the other 15 people are all guys - I'm casually looking around when I realise that I am the tallest person in the shop by about a foot!! Granted I had heels on but they weren't that high!! So the rumour that all kiwi guys are 6 foot 6 inch rugby giants, built like brick shit houses is in fact a myth!! - well the ones that are like that are currently on their way to France to play in the world cup!!! lol - How has NZ become a nation of short people???

By walking to work everyday for a week, you really can get your now reduced slightly in size arse into the trousers that you bought last week, that didn't fit, but were cheap and cute!!

Is one of my thighs bigger than the other - or have the new trousers been made with uneven legs???

Why do you get such a bad headache from wine???

Why in the hell would anyone consume SHEEP DIP as a way of getting high???!!! Seriously WTF!!! How in the fuck were party pills allowed to be legal for so long!?????!!

So have come up with an ingenious new money making, thought provoking, mind stimulating idea that will keep me amused for the next few months at least - but why can I not find my camera charger which is the most important thing I need????!!!

Why is it when you've been waiting to sort out a proper job, you get offered one, that you then decide you don't like???

Do you think that you get more than one chance at love at first sight - or once it's happened it'll never happen again??? And why is mine getting married soon??? (And not to me I might add!!)

Why is the weather always gorgeous outside when you're lying in bed with a hangover??? And you know it's gonna be crap tomorrow!! Murphy's law!!

People in Christchurch have got to be the most unfriendly in the world!! You head out for a night into town, and god forbid that you actually start a conversation with anyone!! So last night I'm at this club called Base and this guy walks up to me and starts chatting. He seems pleasant enough and not off his face on E so I chat back. He then asks if I went to this school here and I say no - at which point he abruptly stops talking and walks away!! It's like some sort of twatty exclusive club - what school did you go to, who do you know - if you can't answer either then you have no hope in hell of ever infiltrating the chch scene at all!! Hence why I have been hanging out with the foreigners or out of towners!! I think they are experiencing the same thing!! Still must infiltrate more before birthday - otherwise will be truly shite and may leading to suicidal tendencies!!

How does anyone think it's ok to turn up to a friends work party, eat the free food and drink, and then piss off cos they've had a better offer (and leave the person there to answer awkward questions on the friends disappearance!!), and think that it's ok!! And then wonder why the person is fucked off with them!!! And it's not cos the person is annoyed that they went on a date, but because what they did was fucking rude, and if anyone else had done it they would be pissed off too!!! Oh and then not to apologise either!!! Meh - people need to learn manners in this country!!

Why, when you're trying to avoid someone, do they pop up everywhere in town???? I think, ladies and gentlemen, I may have got myself a stalker!! (And why did I ever give him my cell phone number??? Mel- please send me that phone ASAP as need to get a new number!!!)

Why do guys think it's ok to ask you out on a date, and then text you to tell you about the one that they are currently on - with someone else!!! Or maybe it should be - why are army guys such dickheads!!!????

Why do the stamps from nightclubs never come off your arm, even after having a shower, and then you discover you had your cheek/forehead resting on it during the night and now the stamp has been imprinted on there too!!! Grrrrr

Why is there never any food in the house when you have a hangover and need it desperately!! Please universe send someone over to take me shopping or to Maccy D's!!!

Where, when, why & how???

So peeps - it's been a while since I wrote anything on here!!
I finally managed to escape Korea - (Although was about to go back the other day!!).
Went off to the Philippines to go scuba diving which was awesome and then to NZ. Discovered that being 20kgs lighter (About 3 and a half stone), I am once again able to shop in normal stores!! yeah - and can even go into those boutiquie places where they only go up to a certain size!! gotta love the korean diet pills!!
So anyway, got to NZ just before Mum's 3rd wedding!! Was a cool day - at the Lansdowne Homestead (beautiful location in christchurch) and now have an older step-brother and step-sister!! Most amusing!!
Then went to visit Mark (dad 2) and caroline (mum 3) in Masterton. They have bought a new house outside of Masterton. It's in a valley and when driving there you'll see the most amazing views and by far the best sights in New Zealand!!
I flew back to Chch for xmas with mum and Si, and the new family, and grandma and grandad, my oldest cousin and her boyfriend!! Slightly hectic to say the least!!
Flew out to Sydney in the early hours of boxing day to go to Amy's wedding. Had a general piss up for a few days before, and then the ceremony itself was held on Balmoral beach followed by the reception on board a boat travelling around Sydney Harbour. It has to be said that it was the most amazing wedding i have ever been to!! The views were out of this world and lots of merriment and alcohol was had by all (including Amy's mum who almost went overboard at the end in her rush to get the pub crawl started!! you gotta love that woman!!!)
Had an interesting time in Sydney - fell in love with the place and wanna live there. Did lots of sightseeing, met some randoms and not so randoms along the way, drank way too much, didn't sleep enough - so all in all was a great trip!!
Got back to NZ on NYE to Masterton and promptly passed out on the sofa just before midnight - this is what happens when you have no sleep and your getting older - can't handle the pace!! lol
After NYE, I got the ferry down to the Marlborough Sounds where I spent the best part of a month down there!! We were out on the boat or jet ski's everyday either fishing, scalloping, general hooning around and getting an amazing suntan!!
The reality hit and back to christchurch on the job hunt!! Did a month temp contract for environment canterbury - door knocking doing market research!! So not keen on it at first but actually turned out to one of the coolest jobs ever!! Out all day in the nice weather, chatting to people (one of my favourite things in case you didn't already know!! lol), and worked with some cool peeps too!!
Now I am doing general reception work etc etc as being incredibly picky with a full time job!!
I am moving house this weekend on saturday!! Moving in with a cool chick that drives the black thunders around for the local radio station zm.
Also working at Jade Stadium this weekend for the Crusaders rugby game (although seriously considering bunking off as A: won tickets to the game tonight and B: It's St Paddy's day and I wanna get drunk!!! lol)
Things are looking up though - was a bit rough for a while - no job, no friends, no money and living at home with the parents for the first time in 10 years - but now things working out quite sweet indeed (Already saying sweet and eh like a full blown kiwi!! damn!!)
So yeah returning back to the homeland ain't so bad at all. I even met a rather cute member of the opposite sex last weekend too - had a very amusing night out after that invloving lots of alcohol etc etc - needless to say I didn't get home until the next morning!!! (But i was a good girl for a change honest!! lol) - will keep you up to date on that development though!! lol
So all in all things are going well. Starting to really enjoy life here.
Any peeps I know from Korea, UK well anywhere really as long as I know you - feel free to come and visit anytime you like!! The more the merrier and I can show you around my new town!! lol

Tagged - 10 things about me!!

Once you have been tagged you must tell us 10 weird/odd/mundane/disconcerting facts about yourself. 

1. I have a huge phobia of snakes and have it because of my stepdad. 

2. I always wanted to be a war correspondant or a photo journalist.

3. One day I wanna do the gumball rally in an all girl team - AND WIN!!!!

4. I'm a hopeless romantic - like sweeping off feet and all that jazz - flowers, candlelit dinners, romantic walks etc etc - but clearly never show anyone that side!! lol 

5. My favourite thing to have for breakfast is marmalade and cheese on toast

6. I never make the first move with boys - you'll know I like you but I'll never be the first one to do anything!!

7. I wanna join the mile-high club!! hehe  (2 failed attempts so far!! Damn you air hostesses!!) 

8. My favourite flower is Jasmine - love drinking the tea too!!

9. I always thought I was the lost Russian princess Anastasia when I was younger - my great-grandma used to tell me the story and I thought it was me (OK so I was 4 and clearly couldn't work out the impossible time line!!)

10. Apparently I am psychic and a white witch!! Got told by a witch at a country fair in Cornwall once!!